Not All Retro Is Awesome – Badlands

Usually when I think laserdisc game with QTE, I think Dragon’s Lair. What I don’t think is cowboy anime with a hyper ass trigger finger and a level of ridiculousness I’ve not seen…well, since ever. You can click on the pic above to see a playthrough to learn more, but allow me to highlight some main points.

00:47 – Gyohmahgod. I can’t figure out if it’s Nyancat Cowboy or My Little Cowboy. Either way, that’s some seriously trippy shit.

01:03 – And here’s where the (very) brief introduction plays out. I love how the “FOR NO REASON” is accented as though he’s hiding something, but I think the best part is the final “HHH-WHY.” It’s like he’s Hank Hill Sr.

01:45 – Yeah, it’s one of THOSE kinds of games. The voice acting’s hilarious, though.

02:14 – Konami’s answer to the local flora and fauna: SHOOT THE FUCK OUT OF IT WITH AN ANTI-TANK SHELL, ACTUALLY.

02:30 – …did he just make his own “plop” noise?

02:55 – Pink jailhouse. That’ll learn ya.

03:36 – …this may not be historically accurate.

04:00 – I love this monster’s reaction to getting shot. It’s like “ALRIGHT, JEEZ” and just kinda walks off.


06:50 – Are you SURE you’re playing as the good guy here? Why are random civilians trying to kill you? Do you just owe a lot of debts?!

08:30 – “When this coin hits the ground, one of us will fall with it.” 5 seconds pass. Well, that was anticlimatic.

And the game doesn’t really end, per se. You can keep replaying different random scenes to rack up points. And it’s not as though Konami can’t make an awesome Western game, but jeez. What a piece of shit.

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Filed under Arcade, Funny, Retro, Videogames

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