The Great Steam Roundup – Episode 3

So these are five titles I consider to be the worst of what I’ve played on Steam. Keep in mind that there are still a bunch of titles I haven’t even installed yet, often because I’ll play one title in the series, go “ehh,” then not bother installing the rest of the series that came with that pack…need to stop doing that. Anyway! Here goes…

A Valley Without Wind

Current selling price: $14.99

On the surface, this game has a fantastic idea. It’s allegedly an action/RPG with Metroidvania elements…that changes each time you play it, can be played multiplayer, and the difficulty can be fully adjustable, including and removing certain elements as you see fit. And that’s great…but the game is utterly devoid of any quality or fun whatsoever.

The control interface doesn’t really help much either. Take a good look…and I mean a REALLY good, hard look at the game in motion. Not all the flashy effects either, I mean the standard running and jumping animations. They’re shit. Unfortunately, all the flashy stuff doesn’t really help this. The graphics from the ground up are simply not very good at all.

Now you’re going to hear me harping on the graphics quite a bit. I DON’T mean that the graphics look dated or they’re viscerally unappealing because they’re referencing an older generation I don’t get. Especially being born into the 80s, that is certainly not the case, I assure you. What I mean is they just…don’t look right. It’s hard to explain, I guess, but give the trailer a look and hopefully you’ll see what I mean.

I could see paying $10 for this game, but $15 is a little steep.

Jolly Rover

Current selling price: $6.99

It’s a point and click adventure game about pirates. That are dogs. It sounds fun enough and the trailer certainly makes it look good, but trust me, it’s anything but. Thankfully it’s cheap and honestly, that’s a good price for it. However, it’s not very fun, the puzzles are fairly lame, the dialogue even more lame, and the characters even more lame than THAT.

I suppose I could recommend it for children, but again, it’s not very good and there are plenty of other adventure games that would be better for children.

Avernum – Escape from the Pit

Current selling price: $9.99

PC RPGs are a mixed bag for me. I really enjoy stuff like Diablo, but when it comes to almost anything else, it’s very hit and miss. Avernum reminds me a lot of the older Ultima games, which I’m also not much of a fan of. It’s very heavy on turn-based strategy, you really have to pay attention to your environment, and there’s way too much goddamn text.

That last part may not make a whole lot of sense, given I like RPGs. Allow me to explain. There are many ways to convey a message in a game. Here’s how Final Fantasy does it:

“Welcome to Corneria!”

Here’s how PC RPGs do it:

“Welcome to Bossamer’s Cove of the year of our Lord Euresmis 1108. My name is Gallahad O’Bannon the Seer and I shall be thine guide. How might I assist you this fine day?”

Granted, the second one sounds more official, but it’s unnecessary. Furthermore, every single goddamn person is an encyclopedia or information…again, 99% of it absolutely unnecessary and having to pick through every little fucking thing to figure out exactly what the 1% is. Even THEN I enjoy SOME of these games…but not this one.

Dangerous High School Girls in Trouble!

Current selling price: $9.99

When I first saw this game on XNA, I avoided it. I figured it wasn’t going to be something I’d like anyway, so I’ll just play something else. At one point it went on sale on Steam and I figured, what the hell. Yeah, that was money wasted. This is effectively a series of minigames in board game form, the rules aren’t 100% clear, the story isn’t that interesting…it’s just not fun.

Now, I can see this game appealing to a more casual audience, so maybe that’s it, but usually I give casual games a fair shake too, so I really don’t know. The trailer pretty much says it all. I honestly cannot justify or condone buying this game for any set amount of money. It’s fucking boring.

Whispered World

Current selling price: $19.99

Daedalic Entertainment, always making games look 500 times better than they really are via the trailer. I’m sorry to say that this company sorely needs to be put down. Look, it’s not that they made one or two bad games…it’s that they are meticulously formulaic. All three of the games they’ve put up on Steam are “classic point and click adventure” titles that have a similar look and feel to older adventure games…but just plain don’t work.

This was their first…and as a result my first experience with their company. The puzzles range from obscure to needlessly overcomplicated, the voice acting is pretty terrible, and as is typical with all of their games, the graphics look pretty good when they’re totally 100% still, but in motion they look like CRAP. It also doesn’t help that the stories are never anything brilliant.

If this was available for $5, MAYBE $10, I’d say go for it. Sadly, I don’t think it will ever get that low unless it goes on sale. Daedalic is a company that continuously disappoints and I don’t think I’ll be buying from them again.

Conclusion

You’ll notice that at times here it seems like I’m really reaching. That’s because honestly, yes, there are bad games on Steam…and typically I avoid them like the plague. These games were all installed on my PC because on the surface they look great…then you play them and find out they’re really, REALLY not. Hopefully I’ll have some more variety next time for you!

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1 Comment

Filed under PC, Steam Roundup, Videogames

One response to “The Great Steam Roundup – Episode 3

  1. Pingback: The Great Steam Roundup – Episode 13 | Gun Sage's Blog

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